During the Olympics, I watched Nathan Cohen and Joseph Sullivan win the gold medal in the rowing in London, in the 2012 Olympic Games.
First, the Kiwis sat in their canoe and waited for the alarm to go off. Just then, it went, 'Beep!' They were off!
The calm, blue water swayed calmly and slowly from side to side.
Suddenly, it was the last 200 metres and the Kiwis took the lead.
As the finish line got closer, the Kiwis paddled a bit faster and they crossed the line. The Kiwis were the winners. "Yay!"As the long, thin oars slowed to a stop, the crowd cheered.
As the black clothed men got out of the boat, they climbed onto the wharf and dropped with exhaustion.
The Kiwis had won the gold medal. The Kiwis were proud that they had won the gold medal.
Well done Jaimee, your description of the race is very exciting, I could feel how tired the rowers were at the end of the race. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHi Jaimee,
ReplyDeleteI did not know you love horses. You should talk to Charlotte in Room 6 about horses. She is a member of the pony club. She might be able to let you ride her horse, too.
From,
Mrs. McGregor
Hi Jaimee,
ReplyDeleteI like how you are trying to create interesting sentences to keep the readers attention. I can also see you are trying to add more description to make the image clearer for the reader. That is always a good thing, to be able to get a clear picture.
I would like to see you try to use a variety of sentence starters. I wonder how that would affect the flow of your story?
Mrs Atkins
This work is very good. Keep up the good work. I love how you did it. Your mum
ReplyDelete